Monday, October 5, 2009

Six months of wedded bliss?

Yesterday was our 6 month wedding anniversary, so I thought that might be a good time to reflect. I also haven't posted anything in awhile and I've been racking my brain as to what to write about since things haven't been too terribly exciting around here.

Being married is hard. There, I said it. In the first few months that we were married, people would constantly ask me, 'How's married life?' I really hate that question and I will never, ever ask anyone the same thing. This is because the answer everyone wants to hear is, 'Oh, it's wonderful!'. No one really wanted to hear my response of, 'Married life is hard.' I could tell this perplexed people when I said it. So I started saying, 'Oh, it's wonderful!' and they would go away. I should also qualify this statement for people who don't really know me very well....I'm not the overtly romantic-type. I'm not a gusher. You're not going to hear me screaming my love for my husband from the rooftops. Not because I don't feel it, but because I'm not that type. In fact, I wish I was more that type and sometimes I try, but it just doesn't come natural to me.

It's not Wes that makes being married hard, it's me. Getting married for the first time when you're 34 has its pros and cons. I am a very independent person with a good sense of myself and am able to bring my own personality to our relationship making us a great team. This sounds like a pro, right? Well, I could say I'm a very independent person who knows what she wants and is used to thinking only for herself and now has to learn to compromise and be part of a team. Then it kind of turns into a con. No one wants to get married, only to discover how much of a bitch they can be, right?? Yeah.

My unwillingness to give up my bitchiness led to disagreements about whose way is the better way. And it's hard to believe, but my way is the better way only about 90% of the time. Who knew!? Some of the best advice I can give to newly married people is to talk to already married people. I was in the US chatting with some of my girlfriends and they reflected on their early days of being married: 'You use Tide?? But I use Cheer!!' And my one friend told me that her and her husband bought their own milk for a whole year (her's was organic skim and his just skim) because they couldn't compromise on this. THANK YOU! This is what I needed to hear!!! Oh, thank god we're normal! You can even take it to the next level by hanging out with old married people. You can learn a lot from them.

Six months on I can say that being married is awesome. A few weeks ago I said to Wes how I feel like we've turned a bit of a corner and things just keep getting better and better. It's been hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was the best thing I've ever done. Ever. I've learned my capabilities, my limitations, my strengths, my challenges, and the depth of my own feelings. I've tapped into feelings I never knew I had. Should I head to the rooftop to start proclaiming my love for this man?? I'm not that type.


  1. congratulations!! for the first anniversary and for being so honest! two hard things to do ...

  2. Hi Kim -- I totally enjoyed this blog entry. Happy 6th month. We just marked our 7 months (going 8). :)

  3. Congrats on your six month anniversary! I agree, being married is hard (it gets easier, I promise) and the first year was awful for me. New marriage, new country, new language, etc, etc.... We were also both very independent and in our 30s, so it was a tough adjustment.

    All the best and thank you for a very well written, honest post.

  4. 6 months - you're a newbie. Give it 40 plus years. First two can be a bit rough at times.